LAGOS behind the wheels

A lot has been going on around me in the past few days, ranging from waiting outside the doors of a labor room (my sister added another to the planet's 7 billion people), to a mountain of tasks at work to shovel down, thus I couldn't post anything on my blog. Lagos did have Her fair share of me this time. My apologies. 
The city in mind: I stumbled into this post on a friend's Facebook page about driving in city of Lagos Nigeria, and as funny as it sounds it's as incredibly true as it is...well most of it. I made a few adjustments and additions to the original post... 
What can I say, START YOUR ENGINES!!

On the road;

1. When in doubt, accelerate!
2. Be prepared to ram into anything stopping you that is wearing uniform in Lagos (police,traffic warden, FRSC, Kai brigade, fire brigade, road safety, VIO, LASTMA, LAMATA, LASWA)
3. If you get caught by any chance, do not allow them to enter your car, if they happen to get in do not drive from that spot (veer off traffic & settle properly #cash), and if they don’t agree, pretend that you are calling an uncle who is in the army (believe me it always works), never follow them to any sort of office except you are ready to pay ten times more than what was demanded.
4. Never give police, Road safety or VIO your original particulars (whether expired or up to date).
5. Danfo(Bus) drivers believe they are immortal. Never yield to the temptation to teach them otherwise.
6. Okada(commercial motor bikes) riders have a pact with suicide, avoid them like a plaque.
7. Avoid BRT buses in all ramifications, they have no brakes.
8. Taxi cabs (oko asewo) should always have the right of way, all of them have been driving in Lagos for "25 years".
9. Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car. 
10. The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it. Survival of the fittest! That's how the city be.
11. Learn to swerve abruptly. In Lagos, potholes (and sometimes car-holes) are put in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and shock absorbers,( I saw a man fishing in one of the potholes last week).
12. There is no such thing as “one-way” in Lagos. Expect traffic from any direction at all times. The okada riders are the experts in this area.
13. Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive bodywork, except you want to spend your whole Saturday at the panel beater’s.
14. Morning rush-hours are equivalent to Lagos grand prix (who gets to the junction first).
15. There is no such thing as a short-cut during rush-hour traffic in Lagos. Everybody might be inclined to take that ’short-cut’.
16. When asking for directions, always ask at least three people. Lagosians always claim to know every inch of the city – even areas they’ve never been to. Please do ask, Google maps never tell you about street gates and abandoned roads, so make your GPS a second option.
17. Use extreme caution when pulling into service lanes. Service lanes are not for breaking down the traffic, but for speeding, especially during rush hour.
18. Never use directional signals, since they only confound and distract other Lagos drivers, who are not used to them.
19. Similarly, never attempt to give hand signals. Lagos drivers, unused to such courtesies, will think you are making obscene gestures to them. This could be very bad for you in Lagos.
20. Hazard lights (popularly called “double pointer”) is not (as commonly supposed) used to indicate a hazard. It is a warning to you that you are a bonafide Lagos driver headed ’straight’, and as such, will not stop under any circumstance. Take him extremely seriously especially if he backs it up with a continuous blast from his “horn”.
21. At any given time, do not stand on the zebra crossing expecting traffic to yield to you, or else you will have to explain to the on coming traffic whether you look like a zebra.
22. Speed limits are arbitrary figures posted only to make you feel guilty.
23. Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first by whatever means necessary. No room for slow or cautious driving.
24. In Lagos every spot is a potential bus stop. FRSC and LASTMA know that too. It is in their constitution.
25. Above all, keep moving. Even with a flat tyre!!!
26. Always drive with the full beam of your full headlamps at night, otherwise all oncoming cars would blind you with theirs. Endeavor to change your lamp to those white bright light.
27. In the event of a little car accident, don't hold back on your vocal aggression. In Lagos, the driver who cannot show a higher level of "craze" is judged guilty irrespective of who actually is at fault.
28. Putting a L sign on your car is just an attraction of bully drivers, don't do it you will be tortured! well maybe you can if you are yet to renew your licence, or haven't got one yet.
29. On a narrow road, if u are waiting for cars with right of way to completely finish passing through or stop for them to allow allow you join traffic from a connecting road, you might as well be prepared to wait forever. Just block everybody till they have no choice but to let you go.  
30. 
31. If you are a Danfo driver, you have a free parking space every where in the city, even on roundabouts, the middle of the road or a busy junction. but if your car is private, LASTMA is always willing to toll you car and park it well for you, at their office. If you don't have money to bail your car from LASTMA, park on an entrance or feel free to takeout the 'NO PARKING' signs anywhere and park comfortably, they are put there to selfishly secure the space for someone else. Kill the engine and walk away.

HORNING IN LAGOS

'Horn’ when someone executes a dangerous maneuver.

‘Horn’ when you’re about to move off.

‘Horn’ when you’re about to overtake.

‘Horn’ when someone is about to overtake you.

‘Horn’ when turning into a road.

‘Horn’ when emerging from a road.

‘Horn’ back when someone horns at you. (It’s considered good etiquette.)

‘Horn’ when you hear a chorus of horns. Don’t worry if you don’t know

what all the ‘horning’ is about.

‘Horn’ when you’re happy.

‘Horn’ to the beat when you’re playing music in your car.

'Horn' when nobody is horning, you need to break the silence

'Horn' when every body is horning, 

'Horn' when you are scared.

'Horn' When you can not wait.

'Horn' to test your horn...just keep on horning its also part of your car

Good luck, as you expeditiously navigate through Lagos and hustle and bustle


 #LAGOS #LAGOSTRAFFIC #LAGOSDRIVING